When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
