my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
