I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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