shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
