I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
