Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
