her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
