ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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