Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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