Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
