Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
