...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
