Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
