i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
