What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
