I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
