A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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