phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
