Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
