I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
