i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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