I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
