how can u be prego again
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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