so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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