We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
