PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
