Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
