I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
