Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
