You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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