I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
