AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
