worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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