Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
