hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
