so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
