my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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