dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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