I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Someone signed my nipple.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
