did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
