i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
