Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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