Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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