she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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