She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
