Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
