my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
