I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We don't watch enough power rangers
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
