Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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