i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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