well I can't set my house on fire every night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
