id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
