There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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