she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
