I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
