So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
