dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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